Here it is:
Start: 7 Rivington St between Bowery and Chrystie St
End: 215 Ave A between 13th and 14th Sts
Time: 2 hours
Distance: 1.9 miles
1 One key to a successful pub crawl is to let all parties involved booze at their own pace. At Loreley (7 Rivington St between Bowery and Chrystie St; 212-253-7077, loreleynyc.com), more than a dozen German beers come in a variety of sizes—from 0.2-liter ($3) whistle-wetters to sturdy liter steins ($14–$16)—so that everyone can ease into the afternoon comfortably. Grab a picnic table in the well-shaded biergarten and order a crisp, bubbly Reissdorf Kölsch ($3–$14).
2 Don’t be fooled by the generic pub facade of Stanton Public (17 Stanton St between Bowery and Chrystie St; 212-677-5555, stantonpublic.com)—once you’re through the doors, you’ll find a mind-boggling beer selection (including 17 drafts) and a graffiti-covered backyard kitted out with mini picnic tables.
3 Now that you’re good and loose, trot up Orchard Street to The Sixth Ward (191 Orchard St between E Houston and Stanton Sts; 212-228-9888, sixthwardnyc.com). The patio out back is no Central Park—it’s made of concrete and decorated with silhouettes of an Irish lad from New York’s gangland days. Still, it’s spacious and convivial, with a solarium boasting a pool table. A standard tap lineup is similarly utilitarian, but it does offer just what the doctor ordered: fortifying pints of vitamin G (Guinness) for $6.
4 By now you’ve added another member to your crew; his name is Drunkenness, and he’s threatening the integrity of the tour. Keep him in check with a snack at Tuck Shop (68 E 1St between First and Second Aves; 212-979-5200, tuckshopnyc.com), home to one of the world’s most perfect booze sponges: Australian meat pies that are filled with meat and veggies. Opt for the $5 “chook” version (chicken, ham, leeks).
5 Next up is beer-and-whiskey haven d.b.a. (41 First Ave between 2nd and 3rd Sts; 212-475-5097, drinkgoodstuff.com). Pick your poison from more than 250 beers (all $1 off from 1 to 7:30pm daily), including two cask varieties, and relax in the most gardenlike of gardens: Its hanging flowerpots, rustic stone wall, real trees and wooden furniture draw a mixed and unpretentious crowd.
6 Refreshed and inspired, resume your bender at Bavarian beer haunt Zum Schneider (107–109 Ave C at 7th St; 212-598-1098, zumschneider.com). The sidewalk tables are hotly contested real estate among day-drinkers, so circle like a hawk until you can swoop in on one. Inquire about the seasonal brews on tap, or play it safe with a summery Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier ($4–$12).
7 Keep it moving to The Sunburnt Cow (137 Ave C between 8th and 9th Sts; 212-529-0005, thesunburntcow.com). In addition to a patio with a glass roof and garden view, this Down Under party spot offers two hours of all-you-can-drink boozing for $20. The fruity, beach-themed cocktails ($7–$9) pack a punch, but Aussie brews like Coopers and Tooheys ($6 each) might be wiser choices for the long haul.
8 It’s likely still early in the evening, but you’re on pub-crawl time, meaning you’re going to want to crash soon. First, a nightcap: Pop into thesummitbar.net), where mixologist Greg Seder has created a cocktail menu divided into “classic” and “alchemist” drinks. With all the liquor sloshing around in your stomach, it’s probably best to err on the familiar side. Order a perfectly smooth old-fashioned ($9) and carry it to a cabana on the small but handsomely appointed back patio.
9 It would be a miracle if you weren’t feeling queasy at this point. Your antidote is the delicious, greasy Mexican food at Zaragoza Mexican Deli & Grocery (215 Ave A between 13th and 14th Sts, 212-780-9204), a hole-in-the-wall bodega that dishes out some of the East Village’s best—and cheapest— tacos ($3 and under). Choose from meat options like chorizo, beef or whatever’s on offer that day. Trust us, it’ll taste good—and not just because you’re three sheets to the wind.
10 Anyone still standing? Something worth noting: That gaudy sign down the street marks the entrance to Superdive (200 Ave A between 12th and 13th Sts; 646-448-4854, superdivebar.com), and the doors below it lead to a boisterous faux frat house, where a game of beer pong or flip cup is a lot easier to find than your better judgment. We’re just saying.…